http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html Rock WILK: Blog Jannis' PHPRss class - http://www.jannis.to/ Sat, 21 Jan 2012 11:20:13 -0800 http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/dont_forget_about_me__please
As someone who was adopted, I have come to realize that there is this "stuff" in my cells that make me really sensitive about 2 things in particular, one is feeling misunderstood and the second is feeling invisible. Perhaps I am more sensitive to this than most people, I'm not sure, but I know for ME, these are very evocative emotions, they haunt me when I am in the midst of feeling either of them, and in fact, they are kinda the same for me. I'm not sure this makes sense to you, but I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I have been in the midst of my 500 NAMES campaign, because, in fact, I have been experiencing both of these issues during this last month of what should really feel like an amazing accomplishment to me thus far, and mostly it really does, but there are complexities around being in the middle of something that is the most important moment in your life, something that is truly an accumulation of everything and everywhere and everyone from your life leading up to this defining moment, and I guess this is how I live. It seems like everything I do is putting "everything on the line", but as that may seem risky, or perhaps stupid to some, for me it's literally the only way I know how to live. I don't consciously think about living on the edge of a cliff all the time, it just seems to happen, I give all of myself to everything that I do, and that means each day is my life's work.
And so 500 NAMES has brought up a lot of emotions for me. I have been gifted with 179 people contributing to my life's story already, in just over 4 weeks, I have raised almost $7,000 toward being able to fully mount BROKE WIDE OPEN in a way that I have dreamed about every night for the past 5 years, yet I have also had my intelligence, my integrity, my intent, and my character questioned. I have also had some very important people in my life completely ignore 500 NAMES, and that has brought me quite a bit of pain, but I have endured a lot of loss in my life, and I'm not really talking about the death of those close to me, I have certainly had my share of those people leaving me, but that is something that is not difficult to understand. People live and they die, death is a part of life, actually a sometimes very beautiful part of life, but in any case, it IS, indeed a part of life that is very tangible, easy to understand. What I'm feeling today is the loss of stability from moment to moment, to knowing who your "people" are, to thinking you know "who" people are or "what" they are about, I'm feeling "lost in translation" a little bit, perhaps disappointed and confused, in some cases attacked, in others abandoned, but............. this is all a part of my journey, and so I try to learn from all of these experiences, all of these people, and mostly, I try to learn from myself and all of my decisions, good decisions and bad decisions, my mistakes, my bad judgement from time to time, those moments where I was SO SURE of something or someone and then found out I was completely wrong. Those moments when I made a decision that I was sure I KNEW what something or someone was after experiencing something with them, and then, everything changing in a moment, in a split second and realizing that I DON'T KNOW SHIT. This is what I'm saying. I don't know ANYTHING about ANYBODY except for me and my journey and my work, and so as far as the rest of all of this...... I ride with it, I take responsibility for my part in what I am feeling, even if I have no idea why things turn out the way they do from time to time, why people change from day to day, I will remain solid as a Rock. I realize this, as well.... to YOU, I may not seem like all of that at all. You may even feels strongly about that, but at the end of the day, you need to realize that YOU don't know shit, either.
I am grateful to those who are there for me, 500 NAMES IS literally my family, I'm not sure that most people can truly grasp that. The gesture of support saying that you believe in me, my journey and BROKE WIDE OPEN, means the world to me, and so to all of you who have gotten on my bandwagon, I love you all, I sincerely hope I am making some kind of contribution to YOUR life, and I want you to know that, SERIOUSLY... that is why I wake up every morning. I want BROKE WIDE OPEN to make YOU better. Feel better, BE better, I want my work to help you, and I want you to never forget about me. We all have our "stuff". This is mine. I want to be remembered as someone who did great things, someone who gave back, someone who didn't just take up space, someone just a little bit above the average, someone willing to step up and be a leader, unafraid to speak, to stand up for those who cannot or are not willing to speak for themselves, and someone who does amazing work. Committed, honest, hard work. I want to be remembered as someone who could fly.
Don't ever forget me. Please. I NEVER forget about you, not even for a moment.]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/dont_forget_about_me__please Sat, 21 Jan 2012 11:20:13 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/are_you_in
The thing is this. If you work hard on something for a very long time you will inevitably hit some stressful moments, some obstacles, some mountains to climb, some oceans to cross, some fires to put out, some pain to endure, but the more time passes, the more value there is in the journey and so you become more and more committed to getting to your destination, to reaching your goal, to getting HOME, and so DON'T EVER GIVE UP, because if you do, it's gonna be really hard to ever get started again. You may never allow yourself another dream, another chance. Keep that in mind before you begin and along your travels because that will save you a lot of wasted time. You are either IN or you're OUT. Me? I'm IN.]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/are_you_in Tue, 03 Jan 2012 18:25:59 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/this_way

WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT SOMETIMES YOU CAN LEARN IN THE STREET, GET FEEDBACK FROM REAL PEOPLE INSTEAD OF AT A CONSERVATORY, GO SEE THEATER, EXPERIENCE LIFE, BE WILLING TO SHARE, TO LEARN, TO GROW, ASK QUESTIONS, WORK YOUR ASS OFF EVERY DAY, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THE CONVENTIONAL ROUTE, HAVE THE COURAGE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU BELONG, SOMETIMES IT'S NOT ABOUT CONTACTS, IT'S ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE, HOW COMPELLING AND ENTERTAINING YOUR STORY IS, HOW BRAVE YOU ARE, THERE WERE OVER 160 PEOPLE CREATING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, EXCITING, AMAZING ENERGY AT THE MEDICINE SHOW THEATRE THIS PAST DECEMBER 12TH, AND YOU'LL FEEL IT IN THE UPCOMING DOCUMENTARY, WE ARE DOING THIS AS A COMMUNITY, FROM HERE AT HOME TO ALL OVER THE COUNTRY TO LONDON, THE RESPONSE IS ALWAYS THE SAME, BROKE WIDE OPEN IS A BROADWAY WORTHY SHOW, I AM 1/10TH OF THE WAY TOWARD MY GOAL TO PUT UP THIS OFF BROADWAY PRODUCTION IN 2012, 1/4 OF THE WAY TO SECURING THE PERFECT SPACE THAT WE HAVE ALREADY FOUND, IT'S TIME TO REALLY STEP UP THE GAME NOW, WE NEED MORE NAMES, CONTRIBUTE WHAT YOU CAN WHETHER IT BE $10 OR $40,000, I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF THE SUPPORT THUS FAR, I FEEL RESPONSIBLE TO ALL OF YOU AND I CAN CARRY THAT, I ACCEPT THAT RESPONSIBILITY, IT FEEDS ME, THIS IS MY MISSION, MY CRUSADE, MY ENTIRE LIFE, IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU, I WANT THIS SO BADLY AND PART OF THAT IS I WANT TO INSPIRE YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE AND THERE IS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN A CAT, AS THEY SAY, I AM A LOT OF FUCKING WORDS HERE, SORRY FOR THAT, I'LL END THIS, WE ARE 119 STRONG NOW BUT WE WILL BE 500 STRONG SOON AND WE WILL GET ENOUGH MONEY TO GET THIS DONE, AND THEN, BROADWAY, HERE WE COME. AND YES, I'M SCREAMING!!!!!!! BE A PART OF THIS, BELIEVE IN ME AND I PROMISE YOU, I WILL DELIVER, GET ON MY BACK, AND LET'S DO THIS!!]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/this_way Fri, 30 Dec 2011 19:48:03 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/if_you_asked_me_i_would_tell_you
IF YOU JUST ASKED ME DIRECTLY, THIS IS WHAT I WOULD TELL YOU...
BEGIN BY WRITING A PLAY. THEN WORK ON IT EVERY DAY AND NIGHT FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS. EVERY DAY. EVERY NIGHT. MEMORIZE IT. 3 HOURS WORTH. JUST WHEN YOU FEEL REALLY STRONG IN THAT, THAT YOU GOT IT INSIDE OF YOU, BE COURAGEOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE CHANGES, LET GO OF WHAT YOU HAVE, AND LEARN THE NEW WORK. ONCE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT THAT, GO BOOK A PLACE TO PERFORM IT YOURSELF. FIGURE THAT OUT. OH, AND MAYBE ADD MUSIC TO YOUR SHOW, MAYBE SOME VIDEO, AND LEARN HOW TO PROGRAM IT ALL INTO YOUR COMPUTER AND RUN THE CUES ALL BY YOURSELF, LIVE ON STAGE WHILE YOU'RE PERFORMING, AND OH, GO LEARN TO PLAY A BUNCH OF INSTRUMENTS SO YOU CAN PRODUCE ALL OF THE MUSIC YOURSELF, AND DON'T FORGET HOW TO BE AN ENGINEER SO YOU CAN RECORD IT YOURSELF PROFESSIONALLY, AS WELL. OK, SO ONCE YOU HAVE THE VENUE, MAKE SOME FLYERS, SOME POSTCARDS, SOME PROGRAMS, FIGURE OUT HOW TO FORMAT THEM SO THEY LOOK PROFESSIONAL, AND GET YOUR HUSTLE ON AND PROMOTE YOUR SHOW, WORK YOUR ASS OFF, AND THEN... FEEL WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN ABOUT 2 PEOPLE SHOW UP AFTER ALL THAT HARD WORK, MAYBE ONE IS YOUR MOM, OR YOUR BEST FRIEND, AND LEARN TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO PERFORM, TO WRITE, TO LEARN, TO GROW, NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THERE. AND KEEP MOVIN'. DO THAT FOR ABOUT ANOTHER YEAR. OH YEA, BE AN AMAZING PERFORMER, OTHERWISE, NOBODY WILL EVER COME BACK. MAKE MORE CHANGES AND RE MEMORIZE, AND WATCH YOUR AUDIENCE GROW. TO ABOUT 11 PEOPLE. FEEL THAT. CONTINUE TO BE GRATEFUL. DO THIS ALL ALONE BECAUSE AT THE BEGINNING, AND AT LEAST FOR A FEW YEARS, NOBODY IS GOING TO HELP YOU, AND IF THEY DO, YOU BETTER MAKE SURE THEY CARE AS MUCH AS YOU DO AND THAT THEY ARE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT WHAT THEY ARE TAKING CARE OF FOR YOU BECAUSE IF THEY FUCK UP ALL OF YOUR HARD WORK, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THEN? BETTER JUST GET USED TO DOING IT ALL BY YOURSELF, AND GET USED TO SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY TIME FOR ANYTHING BUT WRITING AND REHEARSING AND CREATING CUES AND PROMOTING AND STAYING HEALTHY, AND REMAINING POSITIVE, AND SO... SEE WHAT I'M SAYING? AIN'T NO LUCK HERE, IT'S HARD WORK, IT'S TIME, IT'S MAD TALENT, IT'S COMMITMENT, IT'S SACRIFICE, IT'S HONESTY AND IT'S COURAGE. IT'S YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. AND THIS POST RIGHT HERE????? IT DOESN'T REALLY EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE OF WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE, BUT IT'S A GOOD STARTING POINT, AND SO, YOU WANT IT? THEN JUST DO IT.]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/if_you_asked_me_i_would_tell_you Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:07:34 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/re_invention_and_your_life
sometimes I think....... that It is so unusual when the people who have been around you the longest, and who think they know you the best, actually allow you to evolve, it almost never happens, especially if it's in a way that they can't imagine in their own heads, and so one of the big ironies of life is that, if you make a decision at some point to make what appears to be a drastic change, when you need your people the most, you won't be able to step forward unless you let these people go. You have to leave them. Because they are baggage that will never release who you WERE, and not allow for who your ARE, and so you need to find the courage to release them. They don't believe in you. And check it out... They always come back, and so, you should FORGIVE THEM, they could never do or comprehend what you just did, you scared the fuck out of them. And sadly, you'll never feel close to them again, because now you KNOW, you are clear, the truth is, they NEVER took the time to know you, but still, be human, keep moving, stay honest with yourself, don't ever allow ANYONE to limit you, but FORGIVE THEM. It's the most magnificent thing you could ever do. But be careful, make sure you're ready, that it's the right time, that you don't find yourself going backwards, that you are strong enough to keep your SELF, that you don't give it all back. You'll regret it, so before revisiting, make sure you have truly arrived. If you have, then go get to know them again. And maybe this time they'll take the time to get to know you.]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/re_invention_and_your_life Sun, 25 Dec 2011 11:07:15 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/raising_money http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/raising_money Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:43:26 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/time_and_today_and_the_wall
I reach out and I listen with reverence. Your past has my attention, your track record speaks for itself, your generosity in sharing with me is appreciated, never taken for granted, I am present and receiving your message like an empty page, I am ready, I have done the work, I have traveled a long and arduous journey, I have built the most beautiful home and now I am ready to move in and live there, but I am having trouble getting over the wall that surrounds my castle, it is a fortress and I climb and I fall and I climb and I slip and I climb and I scratch and I claw my way up, I get almost to the top, and slide down again and sometimes, the truth is, I DO get tired, but I gather myself, and I continue to climb. And there are times that I attempt to just break right thru this wall, straight ahead, I'm like a missile, head long, head strong, I am fierce in my determination, I am every day, every minute, every second, full speed, full force, I am all of this, I just need to get it open, to get in there, I want it so bad, but it's eluding me, it's pushing back, I'm frustrated, and so I feel stuck right now. On the outside looking in to my own story, I'm asking you for help, for guidance, for a push, some insight, I need you to tell me if I'm missing something, if I'm doing something wrong, and so you tell me to JUST STAY WITH IT... That these things take TIME, but more and more what I feel like is that today has nothing to do with yesterday, and I'm beginning to feel like when our elders are kind enough to share their experiences with us, it really has no bearing on the realities of this particular moment, and so my fathers voice in my ear, and my mothers messages in my head, ring like tales of another time that in THIS time are simply fictional depictions with regards to where we are NOW, understanding that these tales are THEIR truth, and what USED to be, lately, they just feel like STORIES. I can hear them, but I can't see them. I feel like they have no tangible relevance to this particular time, and so I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes it feels like I'm losing ground, moving further and further away from yesterday, flying by the seat of my pants, learning on the fly, this is new ground. It's as if I have landed on a far away planet, and there is definitely life here, and water here, but there's no language, just dreams and hope and faith and conviction and there's air, to take a deep breath to begin, to breathe in moments of reflection, and that's a metaphor, and so NOW... more and more I realize that in order for me to have any chance to make it to the top of this wall, and then be able to get over to the other side, I need to build from NOW, and forget about THEN, or maybe just have the SPIRIT of THEN in the back of my mind, in my blood, in my cells, in my heart, in my soul, but I also need to re-invent the wheel, so to speak, to make this story all my own, be the FIRST, BE the story, otherwise, I think I may crumble, the past will tear me apart, I need to create my own future, and I'm feeling this so strongly right now, and I can feel the pieces of your stories and your guidance and your experience breaking off all around me, and from inside of me, every minute of every day, that what WAS no longer IS from moment to moment, chipping away at my surface, cracks in my armor, moving closer to my core, I am an hourglass perpetually wondering what I will find underneath the rubble, and so I am left with THIS... that all of THAT is what continues to push me forward in time, and TIME is the one thing that will never be different from your time to my time, in ANY time, from past to present, TIME will never change, it will just continue to move consistently, persistently into the next time, and I am so very mindful of that these days. My TIME. MY story. My path. My journey. MY TIME. And so it is. And so it goes. And so I go. And it won't stop. And I won't stop. That's where my head it at today.]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/time_and_today_and_the_wall Sun, 06 Nov 2011 19:39:47 -0800 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/walking_thru_another_door
And so last night at The United Solo Festival, another completely sold out performance, the ONLY sold out performance among 77 shows, and as a matter of fact, it was OVER sold because the festival added 2 rows of seats ON STAGE with me, and so I am grateful for the response, the support, this journey is really accelerating in many ways, and I can't really express in words how much I appreciate all of the love that I feel from everyone who has seen, talked about, contributed to, had any connection to BROKE WIDE OPEN, this has been the most profound time for me, a prodigious moment in my life, for sure.
And so this past week had been full blown rehearsals at The Medicine Show Theatre here in NYC with myself, my director, Stephen Bishop Seely and my stage manager, Kathy Snyder, adding quite a bit of magic to the show, more music, both song and instrumental transition and enhancement, more movement and, a 6 foot scaffold. which, interesting enough, I found out is defined as "A raised wooden platform used formerly for the public execution of criminals." I'm not sure how that's relevant to me or my show or my process, but I felt like I should include that here, for some reason. Anyway, back to my story... Me and my crew worked tirelessly all day every day for 5 days in the most amazing process of putting all of our staged elements together, and slowly, but surely, it all came together, and by the end of the last day of rehearsal, when we did 2 full run through's of the show, it was EPIC. Sometimes you can just FEEL it, it's hard to explain, something intangible, but we all knew we were ready to present BROKE WIDE OPEN in it's next form, more grown up, and I was crazy mad excited for this moment of my journey.
This story is a "to be continued" story, kinda/sorta, I'm going to say this, and I'm speaking in metaphor, kinda/sorta... We had an amazing night, the response was visceral, as always, but I learned that at this stage of the game, what it looks like matters, and that means the space, the depth of it, the scope of it, I am moving to the next place in my travels to a destination that I can see clearly in my minds eye everyday that I work on this project, and so for me, last night was a lesson in that no matter what I do with BROKE WIDE OPEN, it works. But now, after 4 years of development, what it looks like really matters. I can do BROKE WIDE OPEN "unplugged", which means without any of the staged elements, just ME, in performance, anywhere from a street corner to a storefront, a bookstore, an art gallery, a park, a small theater, but BROKE WIDE OPEN, the full production is now ready to step up, and so I am going to serve the work, I am paying attention to the needs of this play. BROKE WIDE OPEN has always been real life for me, and so funny how when you get to a certain point in life, there's no turning back, "how you gonna keep 'em down on the farm, after they've seen Paris?", and so it is with my story. There's no turning back, the bar has been raised once again, and that means the challenge is all new, I am at another new place, another beginning, starting over in a sense, and it looks HUGE in front of me. Almost overwhelming, a little bit intimidating, to be honest. But I'm READY. I'm taking a deep breath, I'm closing my eyes, I'm thinking about my Mother, my Father, my Grandmother and all of the amazing people who have come thru my life and touched me in some way, whether it be intimately or from afar, for many years or for a quick moment, I am ALL of it, every drop, I carry my entire existence with me every day in my work, and so I am taking new steps, walking through the door, looking in the mirror and seeing more than I have ever seen, I am about to jump on that scaffolding and get ready to fly, hopeful and prepared for wherever it takes me on this next part of my Passage, which not so ironically is beginning at The Passage Theatre in Trenton, NJ in March, I am so honored to say that BROKE WIDE OPEN is going to be a part of the Passage's 2012 season. Details soon to come...
And so it begins tomorrow morning. Time to progress once again. THANK YOU all for your continued support, love and good wishes, I never take any of that for granted, and I hope to see you all at the theater again, very soon.
Stay close!]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/walking_thru_another_door Tue, 25 Oct 2011 19:14:53 -0700 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/youre_not_losing_space_youre_gaining_a_better_play
Sometimes you just have to live in a "big old rusty, paint chips falling off of it, 6 foot scaffolding right in the middle of your apartment" kinda way. Literally, sometimes the set of your play winds up in your living space, and for me, in my case, my apartment is not much bigger than this amazing piece of apparatus, and so I am all about it at the moment, living almost literally inside of it, on top of it, under it, all over it, around it, in front of it, behind it, but definitely WITH it. BROKE WIDE OPEN is evolving, things are showing up on stage that are helping me to tell my story in a more interesting way, or at least that's the goal, to keep making the experience better, more exciting, more entertaining, more clear, more fun, more evocative, simply... MORE, and so at the moment, it's all about this scaffolding that I found on craigslist. And so I'm assuming for those neighbors who I KNOW are looking in my window all the time up here in Washington Heights, they are REALLY wondering what the hell I am doing now. I can hear them now, talking to their friends, "Yo, you gotta come check this dude out, first he's like running all over his apartment, by himself, looks like he's talking to somebody in a very emotional kinda way, he's crying, he's laughing, he's jumping all over the place, and he seems to do this for like 2 hours at a time, multiple times a day, it's fucking weird, yo, he's mad crazy, he's all alone in there!!!
Well, neighbor who I see watching me from time to time behind your blinds..... the truth is, I'm never alone, my entire life and all that I have accumulated is always with me with every moment that I work on BROKE WIDE OPEN, and so I am grateful to say that my journey continues, and now it's MORE, I'm moving this house/apartment/bed/desk/table/boardwalk/bar/door/window/WHATEVER, this scaffold of unlimited POSSIBILITES and MAGIC all around my apartment via the wheels that allow my imagination to roll as fast or as slow as I want it to, and I am appreciative of losing some free space in here at the moment, I guess I feel like I'm not really losing square feet, I'm just gaining a better play.
And by the way, neighbors, just a heads up.....the next step may be that "this dude is actually projecting movies in his apartment, some kind of video, he's still running around, jumping on and off of this scaffolding, crawling underneath it, climbing it, still talking to himself, crying, laughing, yo, I'm telling you, this dude is crazy!!"
OK, I'll own that, but I'm crazy in the best kind of way, at least to me, this ride is rich and full of wonder and that magic never seems to stop, and so I'm just gonna keep riding my scaffolding and see where it takes me..... Let's go together.
Stay close!]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/youre_not_losing_space_youre_gaining_a_better_play Sun, 16 Oct 2011 17:51:22 -0700 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/st_johns_a_jewish_star_and_yom_kippur

About 10 years ago I was coaching a high school football team up in Spring Valley, NY at Ramapo High School, it was the eve of Yom Kippur and I was teaching my kids how to catch a punt. And so I had our punter just keep kicking to me, I probably caught about 300 kicks that afternoon, with 2 hands, then with just my left hand, my right hand, over and over again, I showed them how easy something that seemed so difficult could be, if you first understood the basic fundamentals of how to do it, and then if you actually did it repetitively for hours on end. Anyway, "hours on end" went by, and it got dark on the field, which meant Yom Kippur had begun, the highest Jewish holiday, a solemn day of reflection, and a day that most Jews don't do anything. It's a day to be still. Now I'm not, and never have been religious in any way, but I AM Jewish, and after both of my parents had died, I decided that, out of respect to them, I would begin to "observe" Yom Kippur, at least in my own way, by fasting, one of the rituals you are supposed to follow, which is rough for me because I love to eat, and by being as still as I could be, which is even more difficult for me, but I would try. It was a way for me to think about my mother and father, my Grandparents, all of the people who loved me who were gone now, for me, this was THEIR day, and so it was.

Now.....rewind a little bit.......I wear a gold chain which has my father's Jewish star, which was HIS father's Jewish star hanging from it. When my father died I took his chain off from around his neck, put it on, and I hadn't taken it off since that day that he passed. And so on that fall evening in Spring Valley, on the football field of Ramapo Senior High School, and after catching about 300 punts in a row [true story, I'm THAT GOOD], I realized my chain was gone. It had fallen off, probably from the football hitting my chest over and over for hours, and so it was me and about 40 kids on our hands and knees, crawling all over the grass of the football field, looking for my chain and my father's Jewish Star, under what I recall was a full moon on Yom Kippur eve. We never found the chain or the star, they were both gone, which was unbelievable to me, I mean I had been standing in one place all that afternoon and early evening, it was if the earth sucked the chain and the star and took them back from me. I was complete sadness, my heart broken. A few months later, I was given the most beautiful gift, a replacement gold chain with a CHAI, the Hebrew symbol for "life", and I began wearing that chain. [The gift came from "Maureen" in my script, you'll have to see BROKE WIDE OPEN to understand more.] I also added an old subway token to that chain, and so now I had 2 mementos on it, the chai and this token, and I wore that chain every day and every night.

Fast forward 10 years and I am doing a performance of BROKE WIDE OPEN at The Medicine Show Theatre in Manhattan, part of a 3 week workshop run, and one of the shows falls on Yom Kippur eve, and so my producer at the time asks if I would like to cancel the show that night, and of course, I say "no, the show must go on", and as a matter of fact, we had an audience of about 30 High School kids who were sponsored that night from a school up in The Bronx called the Sidestreet Academy, these were kids who had endured a lot in their lives, to me it was perfect that they were going to be with me on this particular night, and so it was going to be a beautiful moment, and in my mind, perfect for the spirit of a holiday, so the show was ON. And so as I did each night before my performances of that run, I went to eat at a cafe on 57th St, walked to a dog park that was near the theater and watched a bunch of dogs playing, and then went into the theater to prepare for that evenings performance. Just before walking into the performance space that night, I went to the bathroom at the theater and I heard "cling"! and I noticed my gold chain on the floor. No chai, no token, just the chain. I was beside myself, picked up the chain, got myself together, got up and walked back to the cafe, re traced every step, went back to the dog park, looked everywhere I had been, but the chai and the token were gone, the chain broken, and I did the performance that night without a gold chain around my neck for the first time in 10 years. Interestingly enough, when I got back to my apartment that night, as I undressed to get ready to shower, I FOUND THE TOKEN IN MY UNDERWEAR! It had evidently slipped straight down my chest and into my drawers, but the chai was gone. And then it occurred to me, 10 years ago on that football field up in Spring Valley, I lost my Jewish star and now my chai was gone, Damn.

And so I am telling this story because last night I got booked to perform BROKE WIDE OPEN at St Johns University, and it was the eve of Yom Kippur, but the show was at 5pm and so I figured I could finish before sundown and beat Yom Kippur, and hopefully I would be safe. But of course we started a little late and I was still performing as the sun went down. Now last nights performance was, without question, the most challenging show I have done since I started doing this project, 4 years ago. It was held in a common area at St Johns, adjacent to a Starbucks, there was a grand piano close by that was being used during my entire performance, kids milling about everywhere, it was LOUD, and alive, just as a college meeting place should be, full of life and youth and anticipation, but not the most ideal environment for theater. But I did the show, I had the most amazing audience of people who were "with me" for the entire 2 hours, huddled around me as none of us paid any attention to all the positive chaos going on around us, it was an amazing experience for me, pushed me to the limits of my energy to keep my focus and to stay inside of my story for those who were sharing with me, it was a profound moment, and when I got to the part of my script where I say, "I can't rehearse tonight, Gene, it's Yom Kippur", and with each time I recited the Kaddish prayer in my show last night, the Jewish prayer for those who have passed away, I felt my mother, my father, my Grandparents, "Maureen", I felt my entire life and history on my back, and i carried all of that to the end of the show, heavy and protected by all of it, I didn't lose anything last night, being at St Johns was the greatest opportunity, another opportunity to share my story, and so I will always be mindful of this day, and today, I won't eat, I am reflecting, I am feeling grateful for all that I have and all that I have become, and I will get back to work tomorrow because there is so much more to be done, and I will serve that every day of my life, as I always do. Even if it happens to be on Yom Kippur, but my respect grows for what that day means in my life with each passing year, and as life often does, that meaning will continue to evolve and hopefully I will continue to learn along with those changes. True story.
PeaceLove&StayClose!]]> http://wilkmusic.com/blog.html/st_johns_a_jewish_star_and_yom_kippur Sat, 08 Oct 2011 08:07:13 -0700 official website for Rock WILK and BROKE WIDE OPEN - Rock WILK - Blog